What i want to do in my life

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"What do I want to do with my life?" is a question we all ask ourselves at some point. We wonder: What career do we want? How do we want to spend our time? What really leads to a life worth living?

The answer to what we want to do with our lives depends on a number of things. So let's talk about some of the questions you might ask yourself to find your answer.

1. What makes you happy?

We all want happiness. We want to experience positive emotions and eudaimonia—or meaning in life. So when it comes to figuring out what we really want in life, we might first ask ourselves what makes us happy.

For example, what do we like to do? When are we the happiest? Who are we with when we are the happiest? What goals bring a smile to our faces? Now, what kind of life would help you do these things and feel this way more often?

2. What are your needs?

Next, it can be helpful to ask ourselves which needs are most important to us right now. Now, be careful not to confuse needs with wants. We might want a million dollars, while we might need financial security. We might want the perfect partner, but we might need a partner who loves us and treats us well.

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, social/love needs and self-esteem needs are of higher priority than self-actualization—or living up to our full potential. Other needs—like competence, autonomy, and relatedness—are also thought to be keys to well-being and living a good life (Reis et al., 2000).

3. What are your values?

Values serve as guiding principles that help us move forward in ways that matter to us (Roccas, Sagiv, Schwartz, & Knafo, 2002). So reflecting on our values can help move us in the right direction. We might value social connection, and that helps us see that what we want in life involves being around others. Or, we might value kindness, and that shows that what we want in life may be a career helping others. By reflecting on your core values, you can better understand what you want.

5. What activities do you get absorbed in?

You know that feeling when you are so absorbed in your work or activities that you lose track of time? That feeling is referred to as flow—or the positive feeling of being totally connected to our performance (Jackson & Marsh, 1996). Flow occurs when we're doing things we really love that are just the right fit for our skill level.

So, what are the activities you get super absorbed in? Knowing the answer to this question can give you clues about what you want in life.

6. What would you do if you could do anything in life?

I don't like to get people's hopes and expectations up too much—the truth is we won't be able to reach every wildest dream we might think up. But on the flip side, we often place limits on our own potential that don't need to be there. So, taking the time to at least acknowledge what you really want can help you think about ways to move in that general direction.

7. What is the gestalt of your life?

Gestalt is German for "pattern," "shape," or "configuration." In psychology, gestalt refers to the idea of a sort of picture—the different parts produce a whole. In life, we often focus a lot on the little things we might want to change—the job, the house, the car—without focusing as much on the overall picture of our lives. So when thinking about what we want in life, we may benefit from taking a step back.

So ask yourself, what kind of life do you want to lead? What kind of feelings does this life have? How will the pieces fit together? What does it look like when you look in it from the outside? Asking these questions can hopefully help you understand more about what you want in life.

This post was adapted from an article published by The Berkeley Well-Being Institute.

References

Reis, H. T., Sheldon, K. M., Gable, S. L., Roscoe, J., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). Daily well-being: The role of autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Personality and social psychology bulletin, 26(4), 419-435.

​Roccas, S., Sagiv, L., Schwartz, S. H., & Knafo, A. (2002). The big five personality factors and personal values. Personality and social psychology bulletin, 28(6), 789-801.

Jackson, S. A., & Marsh, H. W. (1996). Development and validation of a scale to measure optimal experience: The Flow State Scale. Journal of sport and exercise psychology, 18(1), 17-35.

The average person makes 35,000 decisions per day. 

Whether you’re ordering dinner, picking a movie, or deciding on your ideal relationship, trying to sort through the plethora of choices is overwhelming. And every decision demands a fraction of your mental energy.

It’s no wonder why life’s biggest decisions feel so exhausting. Questions like,  “What do I want to do with my life,” ''Who do I want to be,” and “Where should I live” demand a significant amount of mental energy.

If you’re not intentional about figuring out what you want in life, it’s easy to fall into survival mode. You become lost, focusing only on what’s in front of you, which leads to frustration and disillusionment. 

Often, if you don’t know what you want, you can become bored and restless with what you’re doing — even if you used to love it. Over time this can increase stress, depression, anxiety and can make you feel like you don’t have any control over your life.

Figuring out what you want in life is important because it gives you purpose, can influence your career path, and makes life worth living. 

We’re here to help you decide what you want in life and who you want to be.

11 questions to understand what you want in life

The world can feel overwhelming. There are so many paths available to you that indecision is totally normal. But analysis paralysis isn’t the answer. You have to overcome your fears and try new things. In the end, chasing after what you want will transform you into the best version of yourself. 

Below are some important questions to determine where you want to go in life:

 1. What makes you happy?

How do you want to live? Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness isn’t just feeling joyful. It’s also feeling needed, having a purpose, and maintaining that happiness amid uncertainty. 

Both external and internal factors impact our happiness. The former can include our neighborhood or country, while the latter can include our skill sets and self-esteem. 

Making a list of everything that makes you happy is a good place to start.

2. What are your needs? 

Sometimes, our wants and needs go hand in hand. Other times, what we need isn’t what we want.

Ask yourself which of your needs are fulfilled and which aren’t. This could refer to your emotional, financial, or physical needs. Keeping a journal can help you get to know yourself, which will help you decide what to do next.

3. What are your personal values? 

Remember that values aren’t the same as goals. Your core values are principles that guide you through life. They can be anything from patience, honesty, integrity, loyalty, family, and freedom. Most of us prefer to live by our values and identifying your own will help you figure out what you want.

4. What gives you purpose? 

Everyone is passionate about something. Maybe it’s cooking, looking after family members, or working with animals. When we do what fulfills us, that infectious energy positively impacts others, too.

5. What activities put you in a flow state?

“Flow” refers to the joy we feel when we’re right where we're meant to be. It means we’re so focused on what we're doing we lose track of time. We’re performing at our best and problem-solving more efficiently. 

Is there an activity that causes you to feel this way? Pay attention and make a note: what are you usually doing when you’re in a flow state?

6. What would you do if there were no limits?

When times are tough, we stop ourselves from dreaming because we feel limited by external factors, like money or vacation days. But don’t be afraid to think big. If these limits weren’t a factor, what would you do? If there’s something you want, you can make a plan to obtain it.

7. Who do you admire or get jealous of?

Do you look up to someone? This person could be an activist, artist, teacher, doctor, or a parent — anyone who leads by example. Think about whether you want to emulate this person.

You should also pay attention to unpleasant feelings like jealousy. Maybe you know someone who’s just landed a dream job or went on an amazing trip. Ask yourself why you’re jealous. 

Self-awareness will help you understand why you feel the way you do.

8. How do you envision the patterns of your life?

Each area of our lives impacts one another, like our health, confidence, resilience, career, and family. Deciding what kind of life you want will determine how it will unfold. Our underlying desire is to change the direction we're walking. 

Life is dynamic. And although we can’t always control how things go, recognizing this domino effect can give us clarity and help set priorities. 

9. What don’t you want?

Knowing what to avoid can empower you to make better decisions. Think about what drains you mentally and emotionally, makes you sad, or causes pain.

 You can set clear goals — career goals, wellness goals, financial goals — to avoid these pitfalls.

10. What are your greatest accomplishments in life?

Maybe you’ve won a soccer championship or graduated with honors in mathematics. Did you feel pride in your abilities after this happened? Is there a way for you to live a life that repeats those feelings?

11. Are you willing to work hard?

Victories, both large and small, require hard work. Nothing is just going to fall into your lap. Resilience, venturing outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can open even more doors for you. 

If you can’t answer these questions right away, you can always ask for help. BetterUp coaches can help you cultivate that go-getter hustle, so you’re ready for anything you want to accomplish.

4 tips for figuring out what to do in life

Finding one’s life purpose is a constant process and impacts our overall well-being. But remembering these primary tips will help you emerge unscathed. 

1. Be ready to make sacrifices

Are you willing to stick with something when the going gets tough? There will always be gloomy days, but things are always more beautiful once the storm passes.

2. Something can give you purpose even if you aren’t rewarded for it

You can find meaning in doing something without being acknowledged or rewarded for doing it. Perhaps drawing or playing the guitar makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, but you only do it within the sanctity of your home. It doesn’t matter if anyone else sees it, reads it, hears it; keep doing it. 

3. It’s okay to embarrass yourself

Whatever you want to do, chances are, you’ll suck at it initially. Most of us start this way. Building a foundation of hard and soft skills, making mistakes, and asking questions is necessary to succeed later on. Vulnerability is crucial because it’s what separates the dreamers from the doers. 

4. Have courage

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” - Vincent Van Gogh.

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves. Chasing your dreams is scary, but doing so will do wonders for your health and well-being. Don’t be afraid to try new things. You’re capable of more than you think. 

Moving forward

It’s never too late to take steps to change your life. With these tips, you can finally answer the question, “What do I want?” When you do, you can chase your version of success and find happiness. 

You might want to start your own business or improve the work environment at your current job. No matter what you set your mind to, BetterUp can help. 

Published April 11, 2022

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